An Invitation to Care
Thank you so much for contributing to these conversations about the racial divides we experience. As you continue to explore your own story, culture and ideas about racial difference, I hope these backyard conversations invite you to engage and equip you to meaningfully change the status quo of society (or at least in your circles). When you listen to the minority voices in your life, it is important to admit we have gaps in our education when it comes to American history and to the daily lives of others. These deficits in our knowledge are made even worse because many of us don’t have meaningful relationships with folks who experience the world differently than we do. Wherever you are on your journey, it takes intentional effort to build empathy as you reach across lines of difference and learn from others. Expect to be uncomfortable as you remember your experience in the world is wildly different than theirs. We need language that helps us connect, rather than words that tear us down or make us defensive. Together, let’s take steps toward understanding our own stories, to fill in the gaps we discover, and to practice new habits in order to engage for the long haul. Dr. Brandi Kellett
Exploring Your Culture and Patterns
First, take an inventory of your unconscious bias, your life patterns and the voices you trust. A good first step is to think through the racial, ethnic, gendered and socioeconomic status of:
· The people you read & look to for spiritual, career or emotional mentoring
· The people with whom you worship or invite into your home
· The people you hire, work with or educate your kids around
Honesty with the self leads to honesty with others. Understanding who you value and trust is crucial as you identify how you determine what is normal or true.
Second, educate and expose yourself by thinking through the terms below. Where do you feel challenged, defensive, labeled or overwhelmed? Pursue the diverse perspectives of others by reading or listening to the resources provided. Talk to other white folks about your understanding of white culture, white supremacy and white privilege. Push yourself to share what confuses you, what breaks you, what makes you angry. You might just find you aren’t alone, and that others are thankful to find a partner in this journey.
Third, pursue environments where you learn about the beauty and struggle of others’ lives. Intentionally make space in your life to learn from and to elevate the voices of others (even if it leads you to be a minority in a meeting or setting). These choices will help increase your awareness of racial injustice, teaching you to become an ally, leading you to become actively antiracist in every environment.
Finally, carefully consider how you invest and where you might divest. Are you engaged in local elections, policies and decisions? Where can you show up, give or serve? What silent agreements of support are you making through memberships you purchase or businesses you frequent? Where should you invest or divest?
Language for the Work Ahead
Race
Biologically, the human race is 99.9% genetically identical. Racial designations are always arbitrary, with no quantifiable distinction or demarcation. Perceived race is a social construct meant to signify difference AND value.
Bias
Beliefs—based on cultural cues, misinformation, and limited personal experience—that inform normative behavior and shape our view of others. Biases are powerful, and often unconscious.
Racism
The result when unexamined bias is matched with power to exclude or disqualify others. Rather than labeling a person ‘racist’, examine specific thoughts, actions, systems, rules or stereotypes for evidence of a racial bias used to prevent the inclusion of another.
Equity
Equity is different than equality. Equality trusts all people share value, and that fair laws and investment lead to fair outcomes. Equity recognizes that the bias and racism of those in historical power created systemic injustices, preventing just outcomes. Reparative action must be taken to identify how privilege has systemically excluded others, and to change laws and investments until equitable outcomes are achieved.
Biblical Justice
The Messiah came for justice, became our justice, and invites us into the work of justice (with no exceptions). Biblical justice means receiving the justice Christ offers in order to pursue justice for others. Biblical justice is about shalom (communal peace and practical provision): Making it, pursuing it, creating it for others in an equitable and inclusive way.
Colorblind
Assumes we live in a society where racial equality prevails, but actually prevents us from celebrating and learning from diverse racial and cultural perspectives. Colorblindness erases our history of racism and prevents us from viewing the status quo with race consciousness, both necessary for appreciating difference and transforming injustice.
White Guilt
A pervasive sense of misplaced shame and an ineffective response to historical wrongs, it can lead to feeling overwhelmed, powerless, and paralyzed by fatigue. Educating oneself about the abuse of the past, confessing racist thoughts, recognizing the injustice of the status quo, and following the lead of people of color are productive ways to reject this guilt.
White Fragility
Tender defensiveness that often occurs when white folks are newly exposed to black pain. Fragility is a natural response when our comfort is our priority. To overcome fragility, we must develop resilience for messy conversations, check our defensiveness, de-center our self, and frequently talk to diverse others.
Antiracism
A responsive approach to the fact that in America, suspicion and disadvantage systemically hinder people of color from belonging. An understanding that our status quo of passive and active racism is bolstered by silence and by “staying out of it.”
Resources!
If you want a place to start, educate yourself by reading these (mostly) recent books. For a white person, this is the order I suggest (some have Christian outlooks):
On Race:
Waking up White, Irving
How to be an Antiracist, Kendi
I’m Still Here, Channing Brown
White Fragility, D’Angelo
Between the World and Me, Coates
The Color of Compromise, Tisby
Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People about Race, Eddo-Lodge
The Awkward Thoughts of Kamau Bell, Bell
Born a Crime, Noah
Podcasts:
Code Switch
Truth’s Table
1619
Still Processing
On Being with Krista Tippett: Episodes with Eula Bliss (on Whiteness)
Unlocking Us with Brené Brown: Recent Episodes with Kendi and Brown
On Christian Engagement with Social Justice:
White Awake, Hill
Generous Justice, Keller
Disunity in Christ, Cleveland
Seek the Peace of the City, Banister
Knowing Christ Crucified, Copeland
Dream with Me, Perkins
On Education, Criminal Justice and the Law:
13th, film, DuVernay
Just Mercy, Stevenson
New Intro to Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria, Tatum
The Color of Law, Rothstein
Democracy in Chains, MacLean
On Economics and History:
1619 Project, New York Times (Hannah-Jones)
Toxic Charity, Lupton
Stamped from the Beginning, Kendi
The New Jim Crow, Alexander
The Economics of Neighborly Love, Nelson
Stony the Road, Gates, Jr
12 Million Black Voices, Wright
Suggestions to help you become actively anti-racist:
(Curated from @ExpandYourUs Tweets in 2017-2019)
Recognizing racism, denouncing its ‘cultural symbols’, is important work, but it quickly becomes a distracting sideshow if we don’t also act as anti-racists who dismantle the system of oppression built with racial hierarchies in mind. Be anti-racist with yourself, not just a pointer outer of racism in others.
Ideas to be actively anti-racist
1: Don't say "failing school." Ask instead, "why is our community failing these kids? What can I do?"
2: Own & embody this fact: Interrupting or identifying racist undertones is not bad manners. It's a basic good.
3: Replace judgment with curiosity. Hearing one's different experience poses no threat to your existence. Never ask someone to “prove it” when they share their pain.
4: Recognize that life is incredibly limited if you disregard the experience of others. Pursue diversity by valuing diverse perspectives.
5: Speak about others-strangers & friends-the way you would want your kids to hear people speak about you
6: Don't look for a reason to be right about your suspicions of others. Look for reasons to be wrong.
7: Transform your desire to "do something" into a desire to know & learn from someone different from you first.
8: If you are new to seeing the reality of systemic racism, own it & then sit at the feet of those at work.
9: Explore your own story in CONTEXT with others, recognizing the hardships & privilege you find there.
10: When you hear stories about America you didn't learn in school or at home, educate yourself before denying them.
11: Utter aloud (to yourself) the stereotypes & prejudices you instinctively believe. Do strangers deserve them? (PS: they sound as bad as they are when you hear them)
12: Witness someone's story without editing it. Resist the temptation to erase her experience.
13: If we don't explicitly reject evil, we walk in step with it, stand in the way of it, and eventually sit down entrenched in it. #rejectracism @mikaedmundson
14: In [a house of worship] look for evidence of actively addressing racial divides & injustice. If not, ask ?s @dukekwondc
15: Don't refuse to others what was freely offered to you. Recognize the access you've been given, & share it.
16: Examine words you use & avoid. Are you unwilling to utter some ideas because you've been told they’re "political"?
17: Fully embody citizenship by informing yourself about your city. Visit night court, learn crime stats, ask ?s about why things are the way they are.
18: Trust the shared experience of a person of color more than you trust your perception of their experience.
19: Talk openly (with yourself) about the deficits that come when you share trust & break bread only with people like you.
20: Resist the temptation to make all exposures of racism about you. To be an ally, decenter your self & story in order to see the bigger picture.
21: Know you have a role to play in pursuing equity & justice, & can ask for help in figuring out what it is.
22: Consider the impact of policies on communities of color before boisterously supporting them. Expand your us.
23: Use whatever platform you have to expose injustice through speaking up, asking a question, or passing your mic to an "other." For those of us reluctant to weigh in on advocating for marginalized others, for what are we waiting? For what are we saving our "capital"?
24: If you want to pursue justice, you must sit at the feet of people who identify with marginalized people. Increase your proximity to the powerless until you know them.
25: Hold your tongue before you ask a person to prove their experience of injustice, ostracism or hurt. Listen.
26: Acknowledge & change your instinct to label the box someone fits in. This instinct makes empathy impossible.
27: Figure out how to leverage your power (not just to make money, but) to advocate for those forgotten by others.
28: If someone feels the need to challenge the status quo & protest perceived injustice, LISTEN (don’t just dismiss or tell them to calm down).
29: Find a way to confront bigoted comments/jokes/assumptions in a way that allows the relationship to survive. Blowing up relationships will not reconcile us.
30: It may seem counter-intuitive, but those seeking to examine white evangelical culture and behaviors should actually ask black and brown folks. Our status as "other" (in their eyes) and minorities means we've had to learn their patterns for our own safety and flourishing. @JemarTisby
31: Be willing to admit your mistakes while walking with people whose mistakes define them.
32: Be more about where you stand--not who you distance yourself from.
33: Share your grief/sadness/revelation openly with people you have never “gone there” with you before. Acknowledge all is not well. They might be thankful.
34: Telling ourselves the truth about who we have been, who we are now & who we are committed to caring about is a courageous act of resistance.
35: Rather than taking stances only against people or ideas, what are you for? Who does it help? Who does it hurt?
36: Dream about how you can leverage your assets to take care of folks in your community (rather than thinking of them as tools for your own security).
37: If you want to take care of kids across the country/world, consider investigating your local school or housing situations. Invest in the kids within your proximity who suffer from food insecurity or who are overlooked and undervalued.
38: Be specific in your praise and resistance. “They” are not a thing.
39: It is crucial to know that it is NOT contributing to partisanship to resist systems and norms that are unjust.
40: Recognize difference. It isn’t racist to do so.
Rooting out hypocrisy through pretending you care… (B. Kellett)
1) If you want to be a patriot, commit to learning all of our history. Until we’re honest about whom we’ve been, it is hard to dream about who we might become. Defensive denial is toxic and destroys candor. Acknowledgement, on the other hand, has the ring of new hope to it.
2) If you want to be a person fully committed to the things you say you are committed to, practice being honest with yourself and close friends about what comforts you are willing to sacrifice to help bring equity for others. Don’t pretend to be noble while your leaders are bankrupt. Pretend you are part of the problem and solution.
3) If we say we like diversity, we mean we like being uncomfortable, patient, unsure, sweaty learners; we like to fight defensive instincts, apologize and see our bias. It also means we like curiosity, surprise, listening, growing and connecting. Our discomfort with tension seems like a lousy reason to ignore hurting humans. It seems tacky to let people die or suffer a lot just because we don’t like tension.
4) If you want your neighborhood/town/church/state/country to be less angry and divided and loud, then pretend like you are a person who is not angry and divided and loud. Pretend it so fully that you act like a person who is curious and kind and listening.
5) If you think of yourself as a person who is against segregation, do not buy homes or attend schools or join clubs that are functionally segregated. We—our small daily choices—are the problem. (This one stings a lil).
6) If we want to be people who act with empathy and compassion instead of apathy and abuse, we have to speak up against every single word that undermines the value of others. Our actions follow our sentiments, every time. Reject one to prevent the other.
A progression for effective idea-having:
1) Whisper an idea quietly to yourself
2) Examine your life; trace how you came to cherish and believe your idea is a good one
3) Name how people and the planet will be impacted by your idea
4) Figure out how to talk about it without slandering, accusation or blame
5) Whisper your idea to a person with a wildly different life experience than yours
6) Listen, remembering their life brought them to their position, just like yours did (this one is tough)
7) Revisit your idea, transforming as needed. Either start over with Step 1 (if a new idea is warranted (it usually is)) OR
8) Release your idea into the world, full-throated, ready to listen and learn and try it out with others. *PSA: Speaking loudly without completing steps 1-7 is ill-advised.*
Books: Celebrating Diversity for Kids
Dr. Kellett
June 2020
Not ComprehensiveJ, but recommended from my bookshelves
* Not explicitly about racially marginalized figures
Kid/Picture Books
Thoughtfull Dorena Williamson
Colorfull Dorena Williamson
Gracefull Dorena Williamson
Giraffes Can’t Dance* Andreae and Parker-Rees
When God Made You* Matthew Paul Turner
The Cow the Laid an Egg* Andy Cutbill
Dear Girl* Rosenthal and Hatam
Hair Love Cherry and Harrison
Thunder Boy, Jr. Alexie and Morales
A Ring of Tricksters Hamilton and Moser
Antiracist Baby Ibram X. Kendi
What a Wonderful World* Bryan, Weiss and Thiele
Way Up and Over Everything McGill and Daly
The Undefeated Kwame Alexander
The Day you Begin Woodson and Lopez
Kids Books Based on Short Biographies/History
I Can Make a Difference* Edelman and Moser
Hidden Figures Shetterly and Freeman
Of Thee I Sing: A Letter to my Daughters Obama and Long
Be a King Weatherford and Ransome
Malala’s Magic Pencil Malala Yousafzai
She Persisted* Clinton and Boiger
She Persisted Around the World* Clinton and Boiger
Ron’s Big Mission Blue, Naden and Tate
Harlem’s Little Blackbird Watson and Robinson
Little Leaders: Bold Women in Black History Vashti Harrison
Gorgeous Books to read over and over
The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse* Charlie Mackesy
Never Forgotten (Poetry) McKissack and Dillon
For Everyone (Poetry) Jason Reynolds
Graphic Novels
The Best We Could Do Thi Bui
March 1, 2, 3 John Lewis, Aydin and Powell
American Born Chinese Yang
Black Panther, Marvel Coates, Stelfreeze and Martin
Tweendom
Betty Before X Shabazz and Watson
Bamboo People Mitali Perkins
Freedom Train Coleman
The Crossover Kwame Alexander
Booked Kwame Alexander
Rebound Kwame Alexander
Wonder* R.J. Palacio
Fish in a Tree* Lynda Mullaly Hunt
Paperboy Vince Vawter
Letters from Rifka Karen Hesse
The Watsons go to Birmingham Christopher Paul Curtis
As Brave as You Jason Reynolds
Ghost, Patina, Sunny, Lu Set of Four, Jason Reynolds
Brown Girl Dreaming Jacqueline Woodson
Teens
Hidden Figures Margot Lee Shetterly
Bread Givers* Anzia Yezierska
The House on Mango Street Sandra Cisneros
A Raisin in the Sun Lorraine Hansberry
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian* Sherman Alexie
The Hate U Give Angie Thomas
To Kill a Mockingbird Harper Lee
The Color Purple Alice Walker
Strong Inside Andrew Maraniss
Things Fall Apart Chinua Achebe
Stamped from the Beginning YA Edition, Reynolds and Kendi
Light in August William Faulkner
A Lesson Before Dying Ernest Gaines
Raising Antiracist Kids: Philosophies
· We are different by design
+ Diverse Perspectives Strengthen Us
· Be Color Aware, not Colorblind
+ It is not racist to notice racial difference.
+ It honors diverse perspectives to be curious about distinct lives
· Raising “Good People” is not the Goal
+ If antiracism is not your guiding principle, you are likely to raise kind, generous, racist kids
· Pursuing Antiracism is a Lifelong journey
+ Like the “sex talk”, it is an ongoing conversation
+ Walk your talk
Establish where your lines are when it comes to your family’s comfort, opportunity, and safety. Establish your priorities as a family and then make choices aligned with those values.
Where can you invest?
Where can you divest?
What do you hope “normal” will look and feel like for your kid as s/he becomes an adult?
